Do I Look Like a JACKASS?

Junk email is getting more and more creative these days. Here are some of the samples I am getting. I actually forward each one to abuse@ whatever domain name they have. Somewhere in the email there is an email address or a website address. Chances are they don't own the email. True it only stops them for a minute, but it feels good to get an email back from the Abuse department saying "we've closed that account, thank you".

I randomly won some international lottery:

SUNSHINE GLOBAL LOTTERY
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.
REF: KLI/331-ILDI0501/07
BATCH: EPD/23/512/FDNL
RE: WINNING FINAL NOTIFICATION
Sir/Madam
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners
International programs held on the 12th of October 2003. Your e-mail
Address attached to ticket number 742-761107 drew lucky numbers
1-55-88-22-33-79 which consequently won in the 1st category, you have therefore
Been approved for a lump sum pay out of US$ 700,000.00 (Seven Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars).
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep your
Winning information very confidential till your claims has been processed and
Your prize/money Remitted to you. This is part of our security protocol to
Avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some
Participants.
All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
From over 200,000,000 company and 300,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world.
This promotional program takes place annually. We hope with part of
Your winning you will take part in our next year USD1 million international lottery.
To file for your claim, please contact our/your fiduciall agent,
MR.RICHARD HILLS OF,
ONWARD TRUST AGENCY
TEL: +31-629-215-703.
FAX: +31-645-586-757
Email: onwardagency@netscape.net

Some Nigerian guy is SO RICH, he has no other way to get his money into the US than to deposit into my little account which wouldn't draw any attention when the balance goes from $25.63 to TWENTY MILLION, minus my share of %10, how nice of you.

Hello ,
I am the legal adviser to former Nigeria Chief of army staff . General Ishaya Bamayi
who has been in detention .I write to inform you of his desire to acquire estates or
landed properties on his behalf when he is released from detention, Considering his
very strategic and influential position when he was chief of army staff, he wants
the transaction to be strictly confidential as possible. He further wants his
identity to remain undisclosed at least for now, until the completion of
transaction. Hence our desire to have an overseas agent.I have therefore been
directed to inquire if you would agree to act as our overseas agent in order to
actualize this transaction.
The deal in brief is that the funds with which we intend to carry out our proposed
investments in your country US$20Million which was deposited in a Nigerian Bank then
and later deposited with a security finance company abroad, the funds was moved from
the account that it was deposited to a security finance company through diplomatic
courier services because of the present Nigeria governments anti corruption stance
on former military personels .We need your assistance to transfer the funds to your
country in a convenient bank account that will be provided by you before we can put
the funds into use in your country.
I have to contact you to assist in repatriating this money before they get
confiscated or declared unserviceable by the security finance company where this
huge deposits were lodged .
I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim that you
will make to the Security company. All I require is your honest co-operation to
enable us see this deal through.I guarantee that this will be executed under
legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get
in touch with meby my email to enable us discuss further.
As soon as payment is effected, and the amount mentioned above is successfully
transferred into your account, we intend to use our own share in acquiring some
estates and setting up trust accounts abroad. For this too you shall also serve as
our agent,30% of the total funds will be for you,60% for me and my client and 10%
will be mapped out for any expenses that we might incure during the transfer of this
funds to your country/account that you will provide .In light of this, I would like
you to forward to me the following information's:
1. Your address .
2. Your personal phone/fax number for easy communication.

You are requested to communicate your acceptance of this proposal through this
email. After which we shall discuss in details the modalities for seeing this
transaction through.Your quick response will be highly appreciated. Thank you in
anticipation of your cooperation.
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Ibrahim Lamai,

 

I can have some doctor write me a prescription and get any drug I want mailed to me. That sounds legal. Here's my credit card info....

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Someone else who is obscenely rich needs ME to launder their money into the US. Here's my account info: I-amgull-ible1234. Oh, he's a Prince, well then it must be authentic, Prince's can't lie.

ATTN:C.E.O/PRESIDENT. I know this message is going to surprise you, considering that
I am unknown to you, but I want you to know that this email is sent with all good
intentions in mind. My name is Princewilliams Taylor, a Liberian and a younger
brother to the incumbent president of Liberia, Charles Taylor, who is about to be
exiled from the country. I have been delegated by Charles to leave Liberia for Dubai
united arab emirates with the sum of (US$28.M) Twenty-eight million United States
dollars, and from Dubai united arab emirates look for a trustworthy person who will
assist me with the transfer of the fund out of Dubai united arab emirates to a
country where we can invest, and resettle in. Now, if you decide to assist me, first
I will demand absolute confidentiality for my brother’s sake and I want you to know
that for your assistance you will be compensated with 20% of the Total sum. 10% for
expenses and the remaining 70% you will help me for investments in your country
Please, you can reach me through the following phone numbers listed below. And it is
also important you give me your confidential phone and fax numbers on indication of
your interest in the transaction. so you can reach me through my private telephone
which is +971.50422.5106 or e- mail-princewillams77@z6.com Best regards,
PRINCEWILLIAMS TAYLOR. 

This one left a phone number, though it has too many digits. I should call to verify, before giving them my bank account. Naw, if they gave me a number, it's gotta be real.

My dear friend,

With due respect and humility I write you this proposal which I
believe would be of great interest to you.

I am President Charles Taylor's third wife, Jewel, a trained
economist, from Liberia. Please this is a very confidential
letter and i expect you to treat it very confidential as it
appears.

The rebel forces are coming very close to topple my husband's
government (President Charles Taylor)and to worsen the situation
which the United Nation have issued a warrant for his arrest on
war crimes. Presently we are in Calabar Nigeria.

I have contacted you in regard to some funds I have in my
custody which i intend to use for my personal establishment.
The fund in question is deposited with a Security Firm tagged
'Family Valuables'.  Though i still maintain other secret
foreign account which nobody is aware of the information, i only
call for your assistance to claim these funds on my behalf.

Based on the fact that we have not established any solid
business relationship, i would not disclose to you the amount
involved for safety reasons until we commence.

I personally have solid areas of investment and will call for
your attention when necessary.

Your attention to this letter is highly needed as i expect you
to show interest by responding with your full contact
information for future communication.

Immediately I read from you concerning this matter, I will not
hesitate in informing you the necessary procedures by which we
will follow to achieve our aim.

I appreciate your good understanding as I wait your quick
response to enable us proceed.

You are at liberty to reach me on telephone number
234-080-33293998 round the clock for more explanation.

Best regards

Jewel Taylor.
 

And yet another one. This one is so touching maybe I will actually give them my account number. It would be nice to act gullible and give it to them since there is nothing in there and hopefully it would bounce, unless there is some auto-withdrawl-you-gotta-pay feature I don't know of.

Dear,


Naturally, this letter will come to you as a surprise since we
have not met, permit me however, I am Mr. Shaka Gozi <mailto:shaka_g@go.com>, a Zimbabwean Farmer.

I am contacting you as the need to for me to have a foreign
partner in your country has become necessary due to my plans to relocate and
establish a private company in that region, as the present political
instability in my country Zimbabwe, does not encourage financial investment as the
environment is not conducive for investment and most of all security is not
insured, just as reported by international media.

This problem started when the Zimbabwean government under the
leadership of President Robert Mugabe announced a degree on May 31st 2000 to
seize more than 849 white-owned farms. So far, more than 1,400 white owned
farms have been invaded and confiscated, as well as claiming the properties
of the farmers.

During these periods, as reported by international media and the
CNN, more than 6 white farmers were killed, the government is not stopping
at this, as just recently the government have asked all white-farmers to
give up their farms to black farmers or risk going to prison. Having lived in this country Zimbabwe for more than 35 years, I have no other country to go
to, nor can I trace any of my distant relatives. Therefore, I decided to
contact you, for your assistance, so that I can establish a company in your
country and relocate there. Also, I must re-iterate the importance of having
a citizen of your country to front as the owner of the enterprise, due to
the fact that I am a foreigner.

For this purpose, I have put in a security deposit all monies
from the sale of my farm and farming equipments (including tractors etc)
which amounted to US$6.5Million, I will upon receiving your consent prepare
every document to enable you receive this money on my behalf, pending my
arrival to meet with you in your country so that we can both make further
arrangements with regards to establishing the company. >
As a partner you will be entitled to 20% stake in whichever
company that you both decide to establish when I arrive your country.

I am waiting urgently for your response.

Cheers and God bless.

Best Regards

Shaka Gozi
GoziFARMS ZIMBABWE